When the Amends finds you

I am an alcoholic with a serious anger problem. However, since the drinking stopped, the need to work on this defect of character has been persistent and paramount. This most hideous defect of character is about control and control for me always stems from fear. Fear is always based my unwillingness to trust that the outcome will be what my higher power wants.

Now that you have that proper background, enter my love of soccer. I never was a star player or even played in high school but I do watch a ton of European matches and like to play recreationally every now and then. However, ever time I play I am a bit of an agressor, looking to punish my opponent should they venture to close to me or challenge my supremacy on the field. The short of it is I am a dirty player.

This was in full display recently. I ran into a player accidentally and he demanded an apology. This was the start of my most horrible, classless match. From that point forward I followed that player, talking shit like he just stole my car and slept with my wife. I told him things like "you act like bitch, you get treated like a bitch." After the match was done I even challenged him to a fight. I said "keep walking pussy, you dont want none" After this was all said and done I felt like I went on an emotional bender, which clearly I had. This vile display was after my first trip through the twelve steps and getting my feet wet in sponsorship. I felt awful but didn't have the willingness to return to the league to make that most necessary amend.

I wrote inventory and eventually, two months later, I got to do a fifth step with my sponsor. It was clear an amends was in order. The league had ended and I certainly wouldn't know how to track down the opponent I harangued. I did have a passing thought that if I ever ran into the guy I would make the amend.

Enter the warrior dash. The wife and some coworkers signed up for this very popular obstacle course race at Copper Mountain. It was a 5k with 12 obstacles. This party race had an atmosphere of happiness and excitement. The race started and I was off. I had no problem distancing myself with the leaders, crawling through mud, climbing cargo nets, and leaping over fire. There at the finish, covered in mud, surrounded by a boisterous crowd I spotted the man I threatened and bullied. I thought immediately, here is my chance to make my amend. I  walked over to him and asked if he played in a local friday league and he confirmed then recognizing his horrible opponent with a widening of the eye. Then I said I regretted having treated him so poorly that day on the soccer field. I said my emotions got the best of of me and that I am working to never treat anybody that way again. He accepted my apology and said thank you for making the gesture.  We shook hands and parted ways. I was covered in mud and free of my debt to this man and god. There is something magical that happens when you do inventory and follow a fourth step and fifth step procedure. It had happened in almost every issue. I am grateful I have these tools to enrich my life.